I want to swim with great whites (me in a cage).  I want to sky dive.  I believe I’d stand my ground if I met a bear in the woods.  I want to go hang gliding.  I want to be in a cage with a living breathing tiger.  Apparently all my death-defying wishes revolve around wild animals & heights…hmmm.

I am about to embark on the most gut wrenching event this weekend.  I am doubtful of my survival.  I tried to pass the blame earlier but rumor has it  someone gathered her most fearless peeps and persuaded them to enter this event.  It would be fun.  My nickname for the event is the “devious niki b.”  I wish my deviousness could come up with a three day uber-contagious illness.  I will take suggestions.

Together, my fearless peeps (buttahcup, the infamous robby k, cocoloqo) and I are running a 10k obstacle course in Portland: the dreaded ORIGINAL mudrun.  I trained for a few months (got my runners knee in check) but my last MRT was at the end of March when my focus on running became all-consuming.

So…why would a self proclaimed dirty girl fear the mud?  Ahhhhh…let me count the ways.

  1. Fear of losing my shoes: It is recommended to duct tape your shoes to your legs in this event.  There is a slight worry about placing duct tape on my legs…well, the worry is ripping the duct tape off at the end of the race.  Does this mean I should wear tall socks & tape my shoes to my socks?  (Robby K told me “that’s why you shave.”  Ummm…we’re talking duct tape not the pansy tape you wrap gifts in.  I fully expect ripping of skin.)
  2. Fear of grade school PE class: I will have to jump over walls and/or climb over tall walls and/or climb up vine like ropes.  All of which I totally suck at & have never been able to do.  And I wonder how much effort I have to put into these obstacles, knowing I’m bound to fail.  (Wrong attitude.  I get it.  Please just let me have my pity party moment.)
  3. Fear of hardcore competitors: Thirty minutes after my wave starts, the rough & tumble hardcore sorts will be tramping through these obstacles.  These are the people who have to do every obstacle (they don’t have the try once & walk around option) and will be running the course for time.  The best time.  I am already anticipating their catching up to my team and pushing us into the mud.  As we lay face down in the mud, all I will hear is laughter.  And if they wear war paint, I’m pretty sure I will play deer and may die of fright on sight of them.
  4. Fear of not crossing the finish line (also includes breaking something or injury): ‘Nuff said.
  5. Fear of letting down my team: Infamous Robby K is a total stud & has been incorporating MRT’s into his runs.  He also runs a sub seven minute mile.  Cocoloqo ran a 8.5 minute mile at Sound to Narrows last weekend.  buttahcup has about a 10 minute mile.  (I know – I’m obsessed with the minute per mile – I am forever calculating this.)  And me, on a good day is about 12.5 minute mile.  HUGE fear of letting down but also slowing down my team.  HUGE.
Which I think makes me the sniveling, mopey, cry-baby our team is named for – Nambi Pambis – a la the Geico commercial I will never tire seeing.
Go ahead: throw the kleenex box at me.