It has been a little quiet over here lately.  Busy.  But I have been quiet.  It seemed that February was a month for taking steps backwards when all I really wanted to do was move forward.  With renewed vigor, March blew in like a lion.  At the time, I had two months until the full marathon in Big Sur.  I ran 12 miles by my lonesome last Sunday going back and forth four times (four times!!!) on a small portion (the less hilly part) of Cushman Trail.

After that run, I felt like running Big Sur was totally doable.  After the half marathon this weekend, I feel less confident.  Let’s pretend, I was awesome running this last race & that I could sustain 13.1 more miles, I would finish a full marathon in about seven hours.  One hour shy of the time limit.  Being swept from the Big Sur course seems inevitable.

I want to be good running these races and it is just not happening.  I struggle from the very first step.  Okay, miles 2-7 are usually good but before & after that, I struggle – both mentally & physically.  My mom has threatened me with a session with my psychologist dad à la Tin Cup but I am not quite sure it will help (plus, I might cry).  Training runs seem mentally easy compared to race day.

Maybe the goal is too big.  Maybe there is too much pressure.  Maybe my expectations are too high.

I lunched with a couple of runner friends Sunday who completed two half marathons in two days.  They were so happy.  I have not walked away from a race feeling jubilant since last July.  I wonder if I should take a step back.  Focus on perfecting the shorter distances.  (The word “perfecting” has not been lost on me.)

Anywho… we’ll see what the next week brings as I get to run outside more (yay DST!).

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